Truth is….I’m scared out of my mind to graduate.

There, I said it.

Ask my best friend, my sorority family, my mom, my residents, and even my favorite professor – they would all tell you that. But now I am admitting it to the entire World Wide Web.

I get a little bit open and honest sometimes on Sparkle and Shine, such as talking about loosing my father or why I enjoy college as a single gal. So here we are again with my current emotions (ew, I know, emotions).

Shockingly enough, it has nothing to do with all the (overwhelming) responsibilities that come with graduating, the FOMO that will exist because of some of my best friends still being together as undergrads, or the fact that I’m not truly done with school because of my IDD Grad classes. What scares me the most is the fact that the routine is done and there is just one giant empty space that looks like a black hole called “the future.”

Since pre-school at the age of four, school has been what our lives have consisted of. Swap out dance practices and Gymboree practices to elementary school sports and spelling bees, swap out high school swim meets and newspaper meetings for sorority chapter meetings and study group sessions. Our lives have revolved around our education and extracurriculars since we were four years old. Now, we are 22, and that routine is about to change.

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I live for routine the same way that Perez Hilton lives for celebrity gossip. Waking up, setting goals and to-do lists for the day that help me achieve my overall dream, working out, doing work – it’s all a little bit different each day, but it still comes down to being the overall same thing.

Now, it’s time to set a new schedule and a new routine. I have no idea what that will consist of, especially since the last thing I want from my life is to live a boring, unfulfilled, melancholy life. And it’s the fact that I have no idea what the future will hold that I’m so scared of -walking across that stage, ADPi stole around my neck and cap on my head, and a giant blank page in front of me. Then what?

It should excite me, I know. But for a Type-A personality that likes to have control over everything, a giant blank page, hell a blank chapter, is terrifying. It means that everything I have had planned for the past 22 years is over and it’s time to make a new plan for another 22 years. Where does one even start with that?

We are raised with the concept of going to school, going to college/trade school. So this entire time, I walked a very similar path as my peers. There were choices along the way, but for the most part it was always along a singular path. Now, that path is just a giant field to make any choices, take any actions, do what I want.

And that terrifies me. That’s a lot of “new,” lots of changes, and lots of decisions. (All of which I’ll be sharing with you!)

At the end of the day, the same people that I mentioned above, the ones who listen to me have weekly panic attacks to about the future and listen to me stress cry about it, are the reasons I know I’ll get through it. Cause after being talked off the fictional ledge when I’m staring into the abyss of my future, I have them as my biggest supporters to tackle my scary post-grad future.

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22 thoughts on “Truth is….I’m scared out of my mind to graduate.

  1. Post-grad life is challenging, I’m still struggling with the transition to be honest and I’m now at a year after I graduated. I think if you like a schedule you will be fine. Replace school with more work and then with less free hours you can spend that on your blog or whatever hobbies you want. I think schedule wise you will be ok, sure it might take a while to figure out but setting a schedule will come to you.

  2. This post literally touched my heart. Graduating can be such a scary thing! Post-grad life is filled with all sorts of challenges to maneuver! I remember telling myself that I had felt the same way to start college. It’s going to have it’s ups and down’s, but jumping in to real life is pretty exciting. It might take a while to get everything figured out (schedules especially), but eventually you will fall in to a routine that works for you. Plus, you can use all of the time you spent at school and on homework doing the things you love (blogging!).

    xo Ashley

  3. I totally hear you! I think the main reason I went to University in the first place was that I didn’t know what I would do with myself otherwise. (answer: probably work more and buy more shoes haha!)

  4. I completely understand what you are saying and feeling. When I graduated last year, I was petrified! I didn’t want to leave the best safety net ever! But don’t worry, life after college is even more fun and independent!

    Nicole // Chronicling Home

  5. For me graduating was scary because up until that point the path I was supposed to take always seemed clear (as you stated). Once I graduated all my choices were so individual and sometimes different than those around me, I have a hard time knowing if I made the “right choice”.

  6. Post-grad life definitely takes some getting used to and, to be completely honest, even after 4 years, I still miss college! Life after college isn’t all bad though and I’m sure you will feel way more comfortable when it’s all said and done. Always remember that the best is yet to come.

    LiveLifeWell,
    Allison

  7. Pingback: Lose weight and never step foot inside the gym… | Sparkle and Shine

  8. Pingback: Full-time big girl, part-time blogger & am ready for 2017! | Sparkle and Shine

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