deep | Sparkle and Shine

There, I said it.

Ask my best friend, my sorority family, my mom, my residents, and even my favorite professor – they would all tell you that. But now I am admitting it to the entire World Wide Web.

I get a little bit open and honest sometimes on Sparkle and Shine, such as talking about loosing my father or why I enjoy college as a single gal. So here we are again with my current emotions (ew, I know, emotions).

Shockingly enough, it has nothing to do with all the (overwhelming) responsibilities that come with graduating, the FOMO that will exist because of some of my best friends still being together as undergrads, or the fact that I’m not truly done with school because of my IDD Grad classes. What scares me the most is the fact that the routine is done and there is just one giant empty space that looks like a black hole called “the future.”

Since pre-school at the age of four, school has been what our lives have consisted of. Swap out dance practices and Gymboree practices to elementary school sports and spelling bees, swap out high school swim meets and newspaper meetings for sorority chapter meetings and study group sessions. Our lives have revolved around our education and extracurriculars since we were four years old. Now, we are 22, and that routine is about to change.

I live for routine the same way that Perez Hilton lives for celebrity gossip. Waking up, setting goals and to-do lists for the day that help me achieve my overall dream, working out, doing work – it’s all a little bit different each day, but it still comes down to being the overall same thing.

Now, it’s time to set a new schedule and a new routine. I have no idea what that will consist of, especially since the last thing I want from my life is to live a boring, unfulfilled, melancholy life. And it’s the fact that I have no idea what the future will hold that I’m so scared of -walking across that stage, ADPi stole around my neck and cap on my head, and a giant blank page in front of me. Then what?

It should excite me, I know. But for a Type-A personality that likes to have control over everything, a giant blank page, hell a blank chapter, is terrifying. It means that everything I have had planned for the past 22 years is over and it’s time to make a new plan for another 22 years. Where does one even start with that?

We are raised with the concept of going to school, going to college/trade school. So this entire time, I walked a very similar path as my peers. There were choices along the way, but for the most part it was always along a singular path. Now, that path is just a giant field to make any choices, take any actions, do what I want.

And that terrifies me. That’s a lot of “new,” lots of changes, and lots of decisions. (All of which I’ll be sharing with you!)

At the end of the day, the same people that I mentioned above, the ones who listen to me have weekly panic attacks to about the future and listen to me stress cry about it, are the reasons I know I’ll get through it. Cause after being talked off the fictional ledge when I’m staring into the abyss of my future, I have them as my biggest supporters to tackle my scary post-grad future.

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Hey readers,So there is a holiday coming up (and no I’m not talking about the fact that Queen Taylor Swift released her first single 9 years ago today), but Father’s Day is on Sunday.

For the most part, I keep Sparkle and Shine about fashion, makeup, celebs, and other lifestyle topics. However, my recent vlogging obsession made me decide to share something a little bit more personal today.

So here we go…

#TBT to February 14th when timelines across the country were filled with romantic posts about lovey dovey relationships. Though single, I still smiled (with my pint of Ben&Jerry’s in hand during a Res Life duty shift, of course) at the posts. Good for these people to be happy. Everyone deserves happiness.

Then, my eyes start to stumble across another trend – people complaining about “single awareness day” and how they had no one. Woe as me pity party type of posts that were more meant to be shared over a bottle of wine with your gal pals than broadcasted on social media.

I’ve always ranked Valentine’s Day with Mother’s Day and Father’s Day in the holiday category, a special day to celebrate the ones you love everyday. It’s like a love ice cream sundae and the holiday is the just maraschino cherry on top.

But on Father’s Day, social media posts will be flooded with Instagram pictures and tweets about why each person has the best dad out there and how they’re lucky to spend the day with them.

I’ll have an Instagram post too, but instead of saying how much I can’t wait to spend the day with my father, I’ll be sending my Father’s Day hugs and kisses up to heaven.My daddy passed away 5 years ago this month from cancer.

So now, take this back to the Valentine’s Day post – do you know how horrible it is to see someone complaining about how they have no one to spend that day with, which will ultimately change, when I spend a similar day honoring the day with someone I no longer have and won’t get back?

To put it bluntly, it’s pretty sucky.

But, you don’t see me complaining and won’t see me complaining. You also won’t be seeing anyone who lost their father on Father’s Day or mother on Mother’s day complaining. You won’t see anyone who is being raised by a single parent, or a foster parent, complaining.

So why do I compare the two? I take my negative with a grain of salt knowing that there is happiness in the salt.

On Valentine’s Day, the only boy(s) I cuddled was Ben&Jerry (moose tracks flavored, of course). But I knew that one day, that won’t be the case. That I will be spending my February 14 with a boy one day who makes me smile and will make me feel like I put the stars in the sky. So in the end, it’ll be worth it.

On Father’s Day, I may shed a tear. But more importantly, I’ll have a smile on my face. This daddy’s little princess had enough memories packed into 16 years to help me get through my lifetime. I look on the positive side and know that I would rather have that then 60 years of no memories, no laughter, and no positives.

Remember, sometimes the grain of salt is necessary in life. I mean, you can’t take a tequila shot without the salt.

This isn’t my way of having a pity party by any means, this is just my way of pointing out that we need to be mindful of what we say and what we do. Cherish your loved ones and always be thankful for the memories and who you have in your life.